Fake Food

There’s too much fake food out there, and chances are, too many of you eat it too often.

The worst part is, you probably think you’re being healthy by doing it!

It’s hard to even know where to begin, so let’s start with Gluten Free.

Lots of people are going gluten free these days, either because of Celiac, or because they believe – rightly – that grains (refined or not) are fucking poison. They are. There’s a reason our cows have to be shot full of antibiotics – grains rot holes in our gut.

So then, what’s wrong with gluten-free? Nothing, if you give up grain entirely. But if you switch to “gluten-free products,” which are all over upscale grocery stores these days, you’re taking in just as much shit as you would if you ate a goddam Twinkie.

It’s made much the same way as Low Fat…

By taking the fat out of popular products, manufacturers* need to up the flavor with something. So it’s usually sugars. Low fat products have sugars, chemicals and fake flavors shoved in them to make them palatable. You’d be better off eating the full fat version (think yogurt, cheese, processed meats, etc) once in a while and enjoying it, instead of eating the low fat poison.

Kinda like with Instant Meals…

Lean Cuisine has more than a day’s worth of sodium in it, did you know that? And seriously, every fucking kind tastes exactly the same – because of the salt. The broccoli tastes like the beef tastes like the pasta tastes like the lemon chicken. How the fuck is that even possible??

The same goes for Meal Replacements…

Look at the ingredients on anything made by Slim Fast. I defy you to figure out what they were in their original, natural form. Should be called Die Fast. Not that I’m against a high-quality whey protein shake now and then – I use them myself. But I read the label. I choose carefully. I do my utmost not to eat poison.

Beyond shakes there are bars, which are predominantly carbohydrate and scary chemicals for flavor. Without the chemicals, it would taste like eating kindling. Which, by the way, would be higher in natural fiber, and much, much healthier for you. Go eat kindling if you have no time to grab a decent meal on the go. Chew it well though, or you’ll cut your arse.

And don’t even get me started on Vegetarian…

Qorn is … fuck, I don’t even know what it is. It’s nothing found in nature. Soy products like tofu? So estrogenic that male vegetarians are actually lowering their sperm count by eating it. And growing tits. (then again, any guy that won’t eat meat is sexually suspect anyway). [To prove I'm not just bloviating, here's the Harvard study about male fertility and soy.]

Fat vegetarians? Easily explained. They aren’t eating carrots all day, trust me. They’re eating estrogenic soy (belly fat) and vast amounts of refined grains and other simple carbs. It’s unnatural. A real, honest-to-god, back-to-the-earth vegetarian would be eating vegetables. But then they’d die. Because humanity wasn’t built for that.

Eat Clean, you idiots.

If it comes out of a box, it’s not food. If it has more than 7 ingredients, it’s not food. If there’s anything written on that box (you shouldn’t be buying in the first place) that you can’t pronounce, it’s not food. If it has numbers in the ingredients, it’s pure poison to be avoided at all costs.

Don’t eat a fucking science experiment. Food comes from outside, not a lab.

* Manufacturers. Did you catch that? Bonus points if you realize that food is grown or raised, not manufactured. Cars are manufactured. Food is not. The sooner you learn that, the later you’ll die.

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